Sunday, February 6, 2011

Find it…. Learn it….. Own it… Why u ask? Cause it’s yours!!!!!

Why do we allow others perception and opinion of us change how we perceive ourselves. I can remember while growing up being told that I was a beautiful pecan tan big boned girl with some big pretty brown eyes that has just developed a little early. That’s what my parents taught me.  They  taught me to believe in myself never letting anyone tear me down and make me feel less than what I am.
As much as we want to believe everything we tell our kids is recalled at the time it’s needed… I can say sometimes it isn’t.  I wish I could have recalled all that was told to me when the teasing and hazing started while in school.  When you get that sinking feeling of can I please disappear just for a moment to collect myself and let the embarrassments subside if only for 5 seconds.
I can’t speak for anyone else but I have my own person struggle with being teased in school made to feel like I am different  or I am less than …the mirror that bullies stuck in my face had me believe  that I was  a black, fat, overly developed little girls.  No one saw the pretty brown eyes that mama and daddy saw.
For a while I could never understand why they thought I was different… until the tug of war in my mind and heart started between what I were taught and what I’m now being taught by the outside world.   I can say this …. My perception of myself changed…. My self-esteem never suffered but my perception of myself suffered a lot. 
I no longer saw the picture of the girl my parents painted in my head. It’s had been replaced with the portrait of a girl I didn’t want to associate myself with let alone become.  The girl I became … I really didn’t like her… jokes where played on her, she always had her head down, she always thought she was less than and envied those around her.  She even talked to the some of the people that she knew didn’t like her… all in an attempt for them to see the real her.  Not knowing she had lost the real her trying to force people to see what she saw deep inside. 
Even though the new perception had won she still kind of felt deep inside that who she had become was not really who she was supposed to be. 
Now we fast forward…. This girl who thinks she’s ugly sometimes, fat all the time, can’t get any real friends actually get a break.  A turn around in her life bring money, cloths, hair do’s, and guess what Friends her way.  Yeah fake ass friends… some of the same people to tear her down was right there the build her up as long as she was being that friend to give money and buy things. 
Even being young I learned yes you do need somebody but I be damned if I need everybody and those people I learned that I damn sure didn’t need them. I also started to see that I loved me and the lessons put in me as a little girl started to manifest itself within me.  I started to find it! By it I mean me and what I stood for.  So once I found it… I started to learn it…. As in learned me and my worth…..Once I studied and learned what I needed… baby I Owned it! 
And I still own it even more today!!!! I’m no longer fat or big boned … I’m Curvy!!! I’m not black... I’m beautiful… I’m not overly developed… they r Breast aka tha girls….and the brown eyes hell I can’t stop lookn at them!!!!
Just remember never let anyone alter your own perception of self…Once you learn your worth no one can’t  take it away so, Find it…Learn it…. Own it!!!!! Why U ask? Cause it’s yours!!!!!

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